Yep. Ran out of steam after one cut and paste, so here's a link. All previous instances of my brain betraying my true nature can be found at:
Along with pics and random literary tidbits.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Stolen from MSN
Stolen from MSN - the Archives (complete with typos but minus formatting cause I'm too lazy to make things pretty.)
Still mulling this over since Friday. It's taken that long for the sporadic blurtings of WTF! to subside.
On Friday I went to a movie. Not just any movie, mind you; a movie far beyond the realms of what I consider worth 8 bucks and 2 hours of my life, but I wasn't paying so like the uber-dork I tend to be I trusted in the thought-patterns of another. One hour and 46 minutes later I left torn between two distinct feelings:
1. Somehow I'd been caught up in a huge cosmic joke, as if this were the test of mankind as a whole and we had failed so completely and utterly that hell would be a sticky movie theater with this as the main feature for all eternity, a continous loop of utter disbelief but the inability to stop watching and preserve what little sanity may still be lurking in the backs of our minds with out a Twizzler in sight.
2. Advertising agencies and the mental health industry had come to an agreement on the newest and best way to test the average American's capacity for nonsense by piecing together the most bizarre and fantastical and downright assinine aspects of our society and rolling them about in gobs of dogshit and teen-speak drivel then finally force-feeding us by indoctrination through websites and blogs and TV talk shows.
I dread mentioning this movie that is more thing than entertainment for fear of becoming just another part of the dirty, yellow snowball it has become, but their evil plan must be working, for I cannot resist. I appologze to all four of you, but this bastion of train-wreck-i-ness is none other than
On the upside, I have decided to simply accept that I cannot stop the internet juggernaught of corruption and cell-death and will see it again... with a sack of rubber snakes in tow.
August 16CONTEST!!! Name the Kittens!
Prize: the heart-warming knowledge that maybe, just maybe, two adorable little orphaned kittens will be scarred for life because of the total strangers
No, really. I am in a serious conundrum here. About a week and a half ago we found two incredibly tiny, incredibly new-born kittens in the abandoned house next door. We're talking still sticky. A friend has graciously and Mother-Theresa-esquely taken on the responsibility of getting them through the nipple-fed stage. They need constant attention, and I am a firm believer that if you can't pick up after yourself (which in a kitten's case translates into 'poop in a box') or survive for longer than 20 minutes without someone nearby you are not for me, so thank you, thank You, THANK YOU!!!! Be forewarend that I intend to take full credit for any cuteness they may exhibit but all bad habits will be on your head, surrogate mommy!!!
Sooo.... Ummm... Yeah.
They're ears are opening soon and so they need names. Kind of hard when their personalities aren't quite done yet, but unlike renaming children halfway through their toddling years I'm sure there'll be no drastic harm done if we change our minds mid-growth. Pets we already have named consist of
A labrador retreiver name Cooter (I am in no way responsible for this!)
A teeny Burmese named JayJay
A piglet/cat named Conner
A fancy beta named Pickle
A very large toad who lives in the backyard named Fred (all icky things in the backyeard seem to end up being named Fred)
A rabbit hare fern named Ramone (you have to roll the R's for this one)
All choices so far have been vetoed by everyone else:
Hoss and Burpie - no way in hell
My mother's reply when asked for her opinion: No and More
Just to be severely annoying I've been tossing around Myshkin and Natasya
They're teeny and black by the way. If we end up keeping both of them (I may be able to just keep the one with thumbs) then we'll have a double, double, double stuffed oreo arrangement of catsteeny little black cat Chunky Monkey Conner of the large buttocks teeny little black cat
Apparently I missed my teeny, eeny window of opportunity to see Clerks II. Checked the listings that day (you know, the day when I checked the listings?) and the one showing was just peeping out from behind Ricky Bobby and that weirdo Superman. So I get all happy-like and decide, responsibilities be darned, I’m gonna go see it Friday. No… No I wasn’t. No more showings. Apparently it just wasn’t as popular as animated animals dancing about willy-nilly or angry girl movies. So I have decided El Paso sucks (all those times I said it before was just aimless whining; I really, really, really mean it this time hence the multiple really’s) and until it finally comes out on DVD (almost wrote ‘video’; geez I’m old) I’m gonna be a sullen, sullen girl taking pott shots at Will Farrell and any CGI cows I may come across.
Be forewarned, Mr. Farrell, you creepily annoying man; before you were ‘that dork from Elf’ now you are the end of all reason and sanity and must be put-down like the twat-waffle* you truly are!!!
*I would like the thank Marcos (or is it Markus? he can't spell it either so I'm OK with it) for adding this new word to my vocabulary. Nothing gets the point across like a dirty word taught to you by a 3 year old.
i.e.:
Iraq is the new Vietnam.
Cyan is the new Chartreuse.
Mastiffs are the new Chihuahua
Things to be grateful for the rain for:
the yard is fully watered and then some (baby grass is sooooo cute)
my car is washed daily with no effort required from me
El Paso stinks a little less
the Wet-Footed Cat dance enacted hourly on the front lawn
the Labrador spiky 'do
August 21, 2006
I feel so used!Still mulling this over since Friday. It's taken that long for the sporadic blurtings of WTF! to subside.
On Friday I went to a movie. Not just any movie, mind you; a movie far beyond the realms of what I consider worth 8 bucks and 2 hours of my life, but I wasn't paying so like the uber-dork I tend to be I trusted in the thought-patterns of another. One hour and 46 minutes later I left torn between two distinct feelings:
1. Somehow I'd been caught up in a huge cosmic joke, as if this were the test of mankind as a whole and we had failed so completely and utterly that hell would be a sticky movie theater with this as the main feature for all eternity, a continous loop of utter disbelief but the inability to stop watching and preserve what little sanity may still be lurking in the backs of our minds with out a Twizzler in sight.
2. Advertising agencies and the mental health industry had come to an agreement on the newest and best way to test the average American's capacity for nonsense by piecing together the most bizarre and fantastical and downright assinine aspects of our society and rolling them about in gobs of dogshit and teen-speak drivel then finally force-feeding us by indoctrination through websites and blogs and TV talk shows.
I dread mentioning this movie that is more thing than entertainment for fear of becoming just another part of the dirty, yellow snowball it has become, but their evil plan must be working, for I cannot resist. I appologze to all four of you, but this bastion of train-wreck-i-ness is none other than
Snakes on a Plane
On the upside, I have decided to simply accept that I cannot stop the internet juggernaught of corruption and cell-death and will see it again... with a sack of rubber snakes in tow.
August 16
Prize: the heart-warming knowledge that maybe, just maybe, two adorable little orphaned kittens will be scarred for life because of the total strangers
No, really. I am in a serious conundrum here. About a week and a half ago we found two incredibly tiny, incredibly new-born kittens in the abandoned house next door. We're talking still sticky. A friend has graciously and Mother-Theresa-esquely taken on the responsibility of getting them through the nipple-fed stage. They need constant attention, and I am a firm believer that if you can't pick up after yourself (which in a kitten's case translates into 'poop in a box') or survive for longer than 20 minutes without someone nearby you are not for me, so thank you, thank You, THANK YOU!!!! Be forewarend that I intend to take full credit for any cuteness they may exhibit but all bad habits will be on your head, surrogate mommy!!!
Sooo.... Ummm... Yeah.
They're ears are opening soon and so they need names. Kind of hard when their personalities aren't quite done yet, but unlike renaming children halfway through their toddling years I'm sure there'll be no drastic harm done if we change our minds mid-growth. Pets we already have named consist of
A labrador retreiver name Cooter (I am in no way responsible for this!)
A teeny Burmese named JayJay
A piglet/cat named Conner
A fancy beta named Pickle
A very large toad who lives in the backyard named Fred (all icky things in the backyeard seem to end up being named Fred)
A rabbit hare fern named Ramone (you have to roll the R's for this one)
All choices so far have been vetoed by everyone else:
Hoss and Burpie - no way in hell
My mother's reply when asked for her opinion: No and More
Just to be severely annoying I've been tossing around Myshkin and Natasya
They're teeny and black by the way. If we end up keeping both of them (I may be able to just keep the one with thumbs) then we'll have a double, double, double stuffed oreo arrangement of catsteeny little black cat Chunky Monkey Conner of the large buttocks teeny little black cat
August 15
*grumble* Stupid City *grumble*
This started out as a letter to a friend, but it has incited me to action. Well... near-action. Whining is generally the first step in changing the world, it seems.Apparently I missed my teeny, eeny window of opportunity to see Clerks II. Checked the listings that day (you know, the day when I checked the listings?) and the one showing was just peeping out from behind Ricky Bobby and that weirdo Superman. So I get all happy-like and decide, responsibilities be darned, I’m gonna go see it Friday. No… No I wasn’t. No more showings. Apparently it just wasn’t as popular as animated animals dancing about willy-nilly or angry girl movies. So I have decided El Paso sucks (all those times I said it before was just aimless whining; I really, really, really mean it this time hence the multiple really’s) and until it finally comes out on DVD (almost wrote ‘video’; geez I’m old) I’m gonna be a sullen, sullen girl taking pott shots at Will Farrell and any CGI cows I may come across.
Be forewarned, Mr. Farrell, you creepily annoying man; before you were ‘that dork from Elf’ now you are the end of all reason and sanity and must be put-down like the twat-waffle* you truly are!!!
*I would like the thank Marcos (or is it Markus? he can't spell it either so I'm OK with it) for adding this new word to my vocabulary. Nothing gets the point across like a dirty word taught to you by a 3 year old.
August 14
Things I Would Invent if I were Clever-er Part I
A self-squeegy-ing Spaghetti-O's can so I don't spend another 10 minutes making sure I have every last delicious little O out.
A remote-controlled exploding pen that would work up to 50 miles so the next time someone steals mine I can make them pay from afar
A cat-repellant bookmark with industrial strength, chew-proof tassel
August 07
June 7th Revisited
The smell of rotting onions has dissipated only to be replaced by the scent of a paddock of swamp water flavored with horse manure and that special breed of neon-green algae that only hay and alfalfa can produce.
Enough Already! Part 1
"______ is the new _____."
Iraq is the new Vietnam.
Cyan is the new Chartreuse.
Mastiffs are the new Chihuahua
Ok that last one I'd like to see. I wanna see celebrities and models and the severely vapid who can't lift a hamburger try to lug Great Danes around in LV handbags. Tell them Paris said it was all the rage. They won't know and she won't remember and it's all good if it's a senseless, socially-retarded fad.
Flooding in the Desert
We've had twice as much rain in 2 weeks than our rainy-year rate. Reservoirs are overflowing, dams in Mexico are threatening to break and take out downtown, entire neighborhoods are becoming swamps, old people are amazed... At least I haven't heard some news-monkey saying dumb things like "This is our Katrina." (It's bad but there is no comparison.) One of them might have been foolish enough to utter this nonsense, but lately I've been trying to stay as far away from the pulse of the city/the country/the world/my own life as possible. What's funny is all these people are complaining that the rain is horrible and when will it stop but the second it does and the humidity and mugginess and overall stink of a city without proper drainage settles on us these same people will be the first to wish for rain to was it all away.
All the parts of town that like to think they’re better than everyone else are the ones being hit the hardest - the NE, the west side, a certain overrated stink hole one school district over. I actually heard residents of the latter were badmouthing my humble little neighborhood because of its proximity to the border and the about to overflow Rio Grande. They seem to have forgotten that they're a helluva lot closer to it than we are and our "Bad" neighborhood doesn’t stink like unregulated Mexican sewage plant.
Family recap:
Cooter (4 year old black Lab): severely tired of the rain because all his friends (3 sheep, a cow, a moose and a chicken) taste like mud which requires them to be carried around with extreme caution, usually by a teeny foot held delicately in a large mouth.
Conner (20# 1/2 cat, 1/2 troubled child): incredibly upset that we are trying so hard not to let him out the front door and into all that gooey stuff where his favorite dirt patch to roll around in once was
Jay-Jay (5# bundle of evil that has had 10 years to refine itself): Her feet are wet; she is not happy; and when the Mama-Cat isn’t happy, no one is safe
Pickle (fishie extraordinaire): It's just water so we're all a bunch of wussies
Ramone the Hare-Foot Fern & The Hanging Pothos Orchestra: they've been singing their Top 1200 hit 'Stop chewing on us, you stupid, stupid cat' or so I assume because I do not speak houseplant
People: Who cares? The pets at least have an excuse for not picking up after themselves and they very rarely sass
Cooter (4 year old black Lab): severely tired of the rain because all his friends (3 sheep, a cow, a moose and a chicken) taste like mud which requires them to be carried around with extreme caution, usually by a teeny foot held delicately in a large mouth.
Conner (20# 1/2 cat, 1/2 troubled child): incredibly upset that we are trying so hard not to let him out the front door and into all that gooey stuff where his favorite dirt patch to roll around in once was
Jay-Jay (5# bundle of evil that has had 10 years to refine itself): Her feet are wet; she is not happy; and when the Mama-Cat isn’t happy, no one is safe
Pickle (fishie extraordinaire): It's just water so we're all a bunch of wussies
Ramone the Hare-Foot Fern & The Hanging Pothos Orchestra: they've been singing their Top 1200 hit 'Stop chewing on us, you stupid, stupid cat' or so I assume because I do not speak houseplant
People: Who cares? The pets at least have an excuse for not picking up after themselves and they very rarely sass
Things to be grateful for the rain for:
the yard is fully watered and then some (baby grass is sooooo cute)
my car is washed daily with no effort required from me
El Paso stinks a little less
the Wet-Footed Cat dance enacted hourly on the front lawn
the Labrador spiky 'do
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
*grumble grumble* Stupid nerd *grumble grumble*
Got the whole "You use what to blog!?!" so I guess I'll be moving all my MSN stuff on over here soon (in my life soon could mean when I'm old gray and about to croak tho). In defense of my obvious mistake (obvious in this sentence really means - "Don't rightly give a poo but MSN is popping up way too many errors so what the heck.") it is easier to post and looks much more ADD friendly with minimal work from me.
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