Too Lazy for Religion

Came to the realization... or did it really come to me? I was driving at the time so I may very well have slammed into the realization's ethereal ass smashing it into a kazillion teeny pieces and thereby inadvertently absorbing the light bulb of another. Is there a term for the rape of an epiphany? Do we already call this Congress? Wait, where was I? ...

Somehow this idea was formed in my tired, de-caffeinated brain that in the grand scheme of things I am much too lazy for the rigmarole of religion.

* I've no urge to remember holy days or Saints and their gruesome, psychotic-crowd-pleasing ends. Although their stories do make a good Christmas-Eve read - I was opposed to the happy, puffy, probably-diabeitc-by-now-fat-man-with-a-penchant-for-fur-and-leather, house-reeks-of-faux-fir-for-months foolishness of it all long before Christmas became known simply as "The Day Before..."

* I can't keep track of what I can eat and what causes me to break out in pustules of icky let alone what god considers a venial oopsie.

* The idea of possibly sharing a pew (that sounds nasty all on its own) with people I know for a fact have been beating their kids/wives/pets with the blunt end of a pogo stick makes me nauseous, too nauseous even to partake in a flaky little wafer and a sip of grape juice from what, after 10 or so mouths, can only be described as the Sacred Spittle Cup of Eew.

* I can't remember where I put my stick-man step-by-step of the almighty directional signal. The only thing I can recall is "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" but seeing as I'm sans 2 of those things (I can't wear a watch without it fizzling out in an hour and after 27 years I'm pretty darn sure I don't have a set of those other things hidden on me anywhere) it's a might confusing.

* I can't remember names, faces or affiliations of relatives so an address book chock-full of polytheism would just confound me and anger them and then we'd run into each other waiting for a bus and I'd be all like "That guy looks familiar; who do I know that's blue?" and they'd be all like "She hasn't sent me flowers in a while; I wonder if she's been seeing that Jesus chap again" and we'd smile at each other in that way that says, "No, you say hi first" and there'd be awkwardness aplenty and right when I'd mustered the nerve to say, "Hey, there.... you... How've ya been?" his lotus flower would arrive and that'd be that.

* I have no talent for recalling the secret names of trees and rocks and furry little animals that would probably taste really good deep fried in the fatty secretions of more sacred 4-legged beings.

* Babies and children are for borrowing to get into LazyTown on Ice and movies that by going to alone you are automatically tagged as a pedophilic pervert and for blaming the purchase and/or discovery of anything rated PG on. (For example: CDs: Shrek soundtrack, anything by Christina Aguilera, DVDs: Ella Enchanted, The Aristocats; Books: If you Give a Pig a Pancake, If you Give a Moose a Muffin) Not for the propagation of the species or to fulfill some convoluted prophecy about spreading my seed. Besides the neighbors and their 12 kids and grandchildren have more than likely got my quota covered.

* There are more but to further expound on the title - Just Too Lazy.

Now don't get me wrong; I'm a big proponent of Faith (there's a distinction). I believe people are good and bad and what you do with your own particular cocktail is your own business. It's comforting to think that there's some overall concept of ingenuity pushing us along on our paths to whatever else there is, and if a church/temple/open field is your way of cuddling up to that unseen thingiemadoodle that ties each and every one of us together in a lumpy, misshapen, but thoroughly glorious pile of human then go for it.

Label and Prostrate and Flail About to feel that link.
Sing and Dance and Be Kind to strengthen it.

I believe really trying to be good cancels out any of the mean, petty, childish things each of us is capable of. And being Truthful, even if your truth can be dark and ugly and full of squirmy bits, speaks more of our potential than any number of shiny virtuous veneers.