I've caught myself contemplating church. (I say “caught” as if it's forbidden but it's really just that I've never given much thought to organized religion, at least not in the sense that it's for me). It's as if I'm hoping that by just being there things will change. The logical side of my brain says that is nonsense; you can't find contentment by following the herd, especially a herd that for most of your life has represented all that is hypocritical and wrong in the world. I think all I really want is peace, a little quiet in my life.
It feels like there's this little part of me trying so hard to be optimistic, that everything will work out. A very small, mute part. It's like a flutter, like something is trying to get me to calm down. Inner calm or self-preservation? It's hard to heed when everything around you is falling apart.
31 years of Faith has left me wanting.
Is Religion the answer?
A shiny new box to store it all in?
No comments:
Post a Comment