The Evolution of Meat Puppets - Part 2

Since the beginning of man's ability to think of himself as the superior (albeit just as fuzzy) animal on the planet, great advances have been made. We can fly like birds and swim like fish and eat smaller, cuter animals on toast with a sprig of parsley. Each generation has contributed something of value somehow (we're not going into the righteous f-ups here; just the good/quirky/not so evil). But if you sit and ponder (as I sometimes do at stoplights or jury duty or while handling machinery) all the glorious things that man has added to this world, 99.9% of the ones that are not soul-less evil on a stick have been brought about by pure and simple laziness or vanity or a disturbing combination of both.

Examples:

We are the only creatures that despite our obvious superiority over all lesser fuzzy things in the vicinity we insist on insisting that we are not descended from apes and monkeys because we have the common sense to shave off the evidence. Now don’t get me wrong – I am all for this human practice. I wish more people would take this into consideration. In fact I can think of a couple of mustaches that I’d like to take some duct tape to. (Sorry, ladies; but Jeezie Creezie! Did you know it wafts in the breeze when you breathe?)

We are the only creatures that require a way to record/rewind/replay things we missed on TV because we left the house to go do things that are meant to make us miss TV. (I’m guilty of this one... At least I was until I saw the price tag on TIVO and said, “Screw it; that’s why the media gods invented reruns”)

“I can’t wait 10 minutes for a pot pie! I want it now Now NOW!” *Ding* It doesn’t ever seem to bother us that the middle’s ice cold and the edges are molten chicken-flavored napalm.

“The TV’s waaaay over there and there’s a Beyonce’ video on and if I have to listen to her screech for one more minute I’m going to poke my eardrums out with knitting needles…” *Click* What did people do before remote controls or my butt scooting across the carpet? It took me a long time to not automatically move through the living room like a dog with worms.

Speaking of lazy ingenuity – When’s the last time I picked up a pencil? If technology ended the roaches would mock.